mercurial

I had the weepiest-all-around-frazzled-feeling day I've had in a really long time (I'm thinking since the end of my last pregnancy a year ago.)

it started, of course, with a (somewhat unwise) decision on my part to take four young kids to the supermarket midday because I was too tired the night before to go by my blessedly lonesome self. and these kids were hungry. and i had a raging headache. and I was hungry. bad, bad, bad combination of factors.

i'll spare you the not too exciting details, but suffice it to say that not many things in my daily life are capable of bringing me to tears; this one qualified. as i tried to unpack while simultaneously feeding a shrieking one year old, and dodging 3, 5, and 8 yr olds who were ravenously seeking fruit roll-ups, my husband called, wondering why i hand't taken him up on his offer of watching the kids so that i could go by myself. spouting of tears #2.

the answer was a jumbled assortment of reasons - mostly revolving around the fact that he's super stressed and I didn't want to add to that, but also, if i'm going to be honest, because i kind of enjoy being the martyr and doing "impossible" things and then kind of blaming him for my hard life. mature, maybe not so much, but there you have it.

i finally settled everyone and put the baby in for a nap, let the kids watch netflix and went to walk my stress out on the treadmill (for the first time in weeks.) i happened to put on glee, and honestly, its beyond corny but that show always makes me cry. something about the gorgeous potential of these young people always fleetingly brings me back to the dead poets society scene where robin williams is pointing out the old photos of long gone high schoolers who felt immortal. so there i was, crying for the third time in a few hour period.

i just think its funny, because yesterday i was telling a friend of mine how happy & on top of life i was feeling lately. and then these little tiny hardships suddenly whack me and i lose all perspective. kind of wild how ultimately tippable we are. the up side is that its also not too hard to get back up - a little starbucks, an advil, and a good cry all have some amazing powers of replenishment.